A hundred dollar Story

*An Indian tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco.
Looking around at the exotic, he notices a very lifelike,
Life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag,
But is so striking he decides he must have it.

He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"

"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the
Story,"says the owner.


The tourist gives the man twelve dollars.
"I'll just take the rat,you can keep the story."

As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat,
He notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys
And sewers and begin following him down the street.
This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster.
But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind
Him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing.

He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see
That the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are still
Squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay
And throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he
Can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay
After it, and are all drowned.
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The man walks back to the curio shop.


"Ah ha," says the owner, "You have come back for the Story?"



"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a statue of an
Indian politician in bronze!!

Girlfriend and Wife

Girlfriend is like MOBILE (Cell)

At home watch TV
go out bring MOBILE

No money, sell TV
Got money change MOBILE

Sometimes enjoy TV
but most of the time play with MOBILE

TV is free for life
but MOBILE if you don't pay, the services will be terminated

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old!
But MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable at any time

Operational cost for TV is often acceptable
but for MOBILE is high and often demanding

TV got remote
MOBILE don't have

Most important, MOBILE is two ways communication (talk and listen)
but with TV you MUST listen to it (either you want to hear nagging or not)

Last but not least! TV do not have virus, but MOBILE, yes, they do have VIRUS!

Alexander, after conquering many kingdoms, was returning home. On the way,
he fell ill and it took him to his death bed. With death staring him in his
face, Alexander realized how his conquests, his great army, his sharp sword
and all his wealth were of no consequence.

He now longed to reach home to see his mother's face and bid her his last
adieu. But, he had to

accept the fact that his sinking health would not permit him to reach his
distant homeland.

So, the mighty conqueror lay prostrate and pale, helplessly waiting to
breathe his last.

He called his generals and said,

"I will depart from this world soon, I have three wishes, please carry them
out without fail."
With tears flowing down their cheeks, the generals agreed to abide by their
king's last wishes.

*1) "My first desire is that", said Alexander, *
*"My physicians alone must" carry my coffin." *

*2) After a pause, he continued, ***

*"Secondly, I desire that when my coffin is being carried to the grave, *
*the path leading to the graveyard be strewn with gold, silver *
*and precious stones which I have collected in my treasury".*

*3) The king felt exhausted after saying this. He took a minute's rest and
continued. ***

*"My third and last wish is that both my hands be kept dangling out of my
coffin".*

The people who had gathered there wondered at the king's strange wishes.
But no one dared bring the question to their lips..

Alexander's favorite general kissed his hand and pressed them to his heart.

* "O king, we assure you that all your wishes will be fulfilled. ***

*But tell us why do you make such strange wishes?"*
*At this Alexander took a deep breath and said: *
*"I would like the world to know of the three lessons I have just learnt.*
*Lessons to be learnt from last 3 wishes of King Alexander...
*
*I want my physicians to carry my coffin because people should realize that
no doctor ***

*on this earth can really cure any body. They are powerless. *
*And cannot save a person from the clutches of death. *

*So let not people take life for granted.*
* **The second wish of strewing gold, silver and other riches on the path
to the graveyard *

*is to tell People that not even a fraction of gold will come with me. *
*I spent all my life Greed of Power, earning riches but cannot take anything
with me. *

*Let people realize that it is a sheer waste of time to chase wealth.*
*And about my third wish of having my hands dangling out of the coffin, *
*I wish people to know that I came empty handed into this world *

*And empty handed I go out of this world".*
With these words, the king closed his eyes.

Soon he let death conquer him and breathed his last. . . .

Confession

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the
Church.

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine,
Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a
fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their
garments.

He hears a priest come in:

"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to
confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting
than it used to be".

The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".

Never be a stubborn

A traveler was stumbling through the desert; desperate for water, then he
saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked
towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table
with a bunch of neckties laid out.

The parched wanderer asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some
water?" The man replied "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a
tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes. "The desperate man
shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"

"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you
that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant.Walk that
way, they'll give you all the water you want."

The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually
disappeared out of sight.

Three hours later he returned. The man at the card table asked, "I told you,
about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"

"I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."