I had caught a UP Roadway bus for my Home town(Manglour) from ISBT Delhi.It was morning time day was pleasant with breezy wind.My friend Vinay was with me.I had asked for the ticket of Manglour to Conductor. It is a small town 10 kilometers before Roorkee but has a bus stoppage :)
Conductor : There is no ticket for Manglour you have to take the ticket for Roorkee.
Me : But there is a proper stoppage there and I had take it several times.
Although the fair difference is only 5 rupees. But I had made a resolve not to give a single penny extra.
Conductor : This is not in our list it may be the case that you have take it in Uttarakhand Bus.
Me : No, I took it in both. Can you please show me the list?
Conductor : It is. He handed the list to me.
Me : (After searching the list) It is. Why are you telling a lie?
Conductor : This is old list it is removed now.
Me : Do you have the updated one?
Conductor : No, I have not.
Me : Ok! decide not to argue with him any more. Even though knew that he is telling a lie.
Every thing was ok till Meerut. Two persons get in from Meerut.And ask two tickets for Manglour. But conductor has given the same answer.
My temperature was already high after listening it, it was on top.
I saw a number written on Bus, UP Bus Manager Number.
"09412705850 - Please call him for any inconvenience."
I dialed the number.
After 2-3 ring someone has picked the phone.
Sir, I have caught the UP Roadways bus from Delhi for Manglour. But Conductor is not ready to give me ticket for Manglour, Is it not it your list?
"Yes, it is. Give him the phone.", replied that person from other side.
"Hey! Someone wants to talk to you", I called him.
"Who is that ? " cried the conductor.
"I hand over the phone to him.", in response.
Don't what the other person said to him. After talking on phone conductor moved to me.
"How much should I return to you?" asked the conductor to me.
"5 rupees and return to those two person also." said him with pride.
He returned me five rupees note with fretful face.
Though five rupees is not a big amount but I was more than happy at this triumph. At least I have not contributed in corruption.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Why Shout?
Why shout???****
A theology professor was teaching about proverbs 15:1. He asked his
students, *"Why do we shout in anger?* Why do people shout at each other
when they are upset?
The students thought for a while. One of them said, because we lose our
calm, we shout for that. "But why shout when
the other person is just next to you?" asked the professor.
"Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you
shout at a person when you are angry?"
The students gave some other answers but none satisfied the professor.
Finally he explained, *"When two people are angry at each other, their
hearts psychologically distance themselves.* To cover the distance, they
must shout to be able to hear each other. *The angrier they are, the
stronger they will shout to hear each other through that great distance.*
Then the professor asked, *"What happens when two people fall in love? *They
don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? *Because their hearts are
psychologically very close.* The distance between them is very small. The
professor continued, "When they love each other even more, what happens?
They do not speak, only whisper and they even get even closer to each other
in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each
other and that's all....
A theology professor was teaching about proverbs 15:1. He asked his
students, *"Why do we shout in anger?* Why do people shout at each other
when they are upset?
The students thought for a while. One of them said, because we lose our
calm, we shout for that. "But why shout when
the other person is just next to you?" asked the professor.
"Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you
shout at a person when you are angry?"
The students gave some other answers but none satisfied the professor.
Finally he explained, *"When two people are angry at each other, their
hearts psychologically distance themselves.* To cover the distance, they
must shout to be able to hear each other. *The angrier they are, the
stronger they will shout to hear each other through that great distance.*
Then the professor asked, *"What happens when two people fall in love? *They
don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? *Because their hearts are
psychologically very close.* The distance between them is very small. The
professor continued, "When they love each other even more, what happens?
They do not speak, only whisper and they even get even closer to each other
in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each
other and that's all....
Thursday, November 17, 2011
HILARIOUS !! - 10 classic Indianisms: 'Doing the needful' and more
HILARIOUS !! - 10 classic Indianisms: 'Doing the needful' and more
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We are a unique species, aren’t we? Not humans. Indians, I mean. No other
race speaks or spells like we do.
Take greetings for example.
A friendly clerk asking me for my name is apt to start a conversation with,
“What is your good name?” As if I hold that sort of information close to my
heart and only divulge my evil pseudonym. Bizarre.
I call these Indianisms.
Which got me thinking about a compilation, a greatest hits of the most
hilarious Indianisms out there. And here they are. The most common ones,
and my favorites among them.
*1. 'Passing out'*
When you complete your studies at an educational institution, you graduate
from that institution.
You do not "pass out" from that institution.
To "pass out" refers to losing consciousness, like after you get too drunk,
though I’m not sure how we managed to connect graduating and intoxication.
Oh wait … of course, poor grades throughout the year could lead to a sudden
elation on hearing you’ve passed all of your exams, which could lead to you
actually "passing out," but this is rare at best.
*2. 'Kindly revert'*
One common mistake we make is using the word revert to mean reply or
respond.
Revert means "to return to a former state."
I can’t help thinking of a sarcastic answer every time this comes up.
“Please revert at the earliest.”
“Sure, I’ll set my biological clock to regress evolutionarily to my
original primitive hydrocarbon state at 1 p.m. today."
*3. 'Years back'*
If it happened in the past, it happened years ago, not "years back."
Given how common this phrase is, I’m guessing the first person who switched
"ago" for "back" probably did it years back. See what I mean?
And speaking of "back," asking someone to use the backside entrance sounds
so wrong.
“So when did you buy this car?”
“Oh, years back.”
“Cool, can you open the backside? I’d like to get a load in.”
*4. 'Doing the needful'*
Try to avoid using the phrase "do the needful." It went out of style
decades ago, about the time the British left.
Using it today indicates you are a dinosaur, a dinosaur with bad grammar.
You may use the phrase humorously, to poke fun at such archaic speech, or
other dinosaurs.
“Will you do the needful?”
“Of course, and I’ll send you a telegram to let you know it's done too.”
*5. 'Discuss about'*
“What shall we discuss about today?”
“Let’s discuss about politics. We need a fault-ridden topic to mirror our
bad grammar.”
You don't "discuss about" something; you just discuss things.
The word "discuss" means to "talk about". There is no reason to insert the
word "about" after "discuss."
That would be like saying "talk about about." Which "brings about" me to my
next peeve.
*6. 'Order for'*
"Hey, let’s order for a pizza."
"Sure, and why not raid a library while we’re about it.”
When you order something, you "order" it, you do not "order for" it.
Who knows when or why we began placing random prepositions after verbs?
Perhaps somewhere in our history someone lost a little faith in the "doing"
word and added "for" to make sure their order would reach them. They must
have been pretty hungry.
*7. 'Do one thing'*
When someone approaches you with a query, and your reply begins with the
phrase "do one thing," you're doing it wrong.
"Do one thing" is a phrase that does not make sense.
It is an Indianism. It is only understood in India. It is not proper
English. It is irritating.
There are better ways to begin a reply. And worst of all, any person who
starts a sentence with "do one thing" invariably ends up giving you at
least five things to do.
“My computer keeps getting hung.”
“Do one thing. Clear your history. Delete your cookies. Defrag your
hardrive. Run a virus check. Restart your computer... .”
*8. 'Out of station'*
“Sorry I can’t talk right now, I’m out of station.”
“What a coincidence, Vijay, I’m in a station right now.”
Another blast from the past, this one, and also, extremely outdated.
What's wrong with "out of town" or "not in Mumbai" or my favorite "I'm not
here"?
*9. The big sleep*
"I’m going to bed now, sleep is coming."
"OK, say hi to it for me."
While a fan of anthropomorphism, I do have my limits. "Sleep is coming" is
taking things a bit too far.
Your life isn’t a poem. You don’t have to give body cycles their own
personalities.
*10. 'Prepone'*
“Let’s prepone the meeting from 11 a.m. to 10 a.m.”
Because the opposite of postpone just has to be prepone, right?
"Prepone" is probably the most famous Indianism of all time; one that I’m
proud of, and that I actually support as a new entry to all English
dictionaries.
Because it makes sense. Because it fills a gap. Because we need it. We’re
Indians, damn it. Students of chaos theory.
We don’t have the time to say silly things like "could you please bring the
meeting forward."
Prepone it is.
There are many more pure grammatical "gems" in what we call Indian English.
Perhaps in time I’ll list some more. And perhaps in the near future, we’ll
get better at English.
Till then, kindly adjust.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We are a unique species, aren’t we? Not humans. Indians, I mean. No other
race speaks or spells like we do.
Take greetings for example.
A friendly clerk asking me for my name is apt to start a conversation with,
“What is your good name?” As if I hold that sort of information close to my
heart and only divulge my evil pseudonym. Bizarre.
I call these Indianisms.
Which got me thinking about a compilation, a greatest hits of the most
hilarious Indianisms out there. And here they are. The most common ones,
and my favorites among them.
*1. 'Passing out'*
When you complete your studies at an educational institution, you graduate
from that institution.
You do not "pass out" from that institution.
To "pass out" refers to losing consciousness, like after you get too drunk,
though I’m not sure how we managed to connect graduating and intoxication.
Oh wait … of course, poor grades throughout the year could lead to a sudden
elation on hearing you’ve passed all of your exams, which could lead to you
actually "passing out," but this is rare at best.
*2. 'Kindly revert'*
One common mistake we make is using the word revert to mean reply or
respond.
Revert means "to return to a former state."
I can’t help thinking of a sarcastic answer every time this comes up.
“Please revert at the earliest.”
“Sure, I’ll set my biological clock to regress evolutionarily to my
original primitive hydrocarbon state at 1 p.m. today."
*3. 'Years back'*
If it happened in the past, it happened years ago, not "years back."
Given how common this phrase is, I’m guessing the first person who switched
"ago" for "back" probably did it years back. See what I mean?
And speaking of "back," asking someone to use the backside entrance sounds
so wrong.
“So when did you buy this car?”
“Oh, years back.”
“Cool, can you open the backside? I’d like to get a load in.”
*4. 'Doing the needful'*
Try to avoid using the phrase "do the needful." It went out of style
decades ago, about the time the British left.
Using it today indicates you are a dinosaur, a dinosaur with bad grammar.
You may use the phrase humorously, to poke fun at such archaic speech, or
other dinosaurs.
“Will you do the needful?”
“Of course, and I’ll send you a telegram to let you know it's done too.”
*5. 'Discuss about'*
“What shall we discuss about today?”
“Let’s discuss about politics. We need a fault-ridden topic to mirror our
bad grammar.”
You don't "discuss about" something; you just discuss things.
The word "discuss" means to "talk about". There is no reason to insert the
word "about" after "discuss."
That would be like saying "talk about about." Which "brings about" me to my
next peeve.
*6. 'Order for'*
"Hey, let’s order for a pizza."
"Sure, and why not raid a library while we’re about it.”
When you order something, you "order" it, you do not "order for" it.
Who knows when or why we began placing random prepositions after verbs?
Perhaps somewhere in our history someone lost a little faith in the "doing"
word and added "for" to make sure their order would reach them. They must
have been pretty hungry.
*7. 'Do one thing'*
When someone approaches you with a query, and your reply begins with the
phrase "do one thing," you're doing it wrong.
"Do one thing" is a phrase that does not make sense.
It is an Indianism. It is only understood in India. It is not proper
English. It is irritating.
There are better ways to begin a reply. And worst of all, any person who
starts a sentence with "do one thing" invariably ends up giving you at
least five things to do.
“My computer keeps getting hung.”
“Do one thing. Clear your history. Delete your cookies. Defrag your
hardrive. Run a virus check. Restart your computer... .”
*8. 'Out of station'*
“Sorry I can’t talk right now, I’m out of station.”
“What a coincidence, Vijay, I’m in a station right now.”
Another blast from the past, this one, and also, extremely outdated.
What's wrong with "out of town" or "not in Mumbai" or my favorite "I'm not
here"?
*9. The big sleep*
"I’m going to bed now, sleep is coming."
"OK, say hi to it for me."
While a fan of anthropomorphism, I do have my limits. "Sleep is coming" is
taking things a bit too far.
Your life isn’t a poem. You don’t have to give body cycles their own
personalities.
*10. 'Prepone'*
“Let’s prepone the meeting from 11 a.m. to 10 a.m.”
Because the opposite of postpone just has to be prepone, right?
"Prepone" is probably the most famous Indianism of all time; one that I’m
proud of, and that I actually support as a new entry to all English
dictionaries.
Because it makes sense. Because it fills a gap. Because we need it. We’re
Indians, damn it. Students of chaos theory.
We don’t have the time to say silly things like "could you please bring the
meeting forward."
Prepone it is.
There are many more pure grammatical "gems" in what we call Indian English.
Perhaps in time I’ll list some more. And perhaps in the near future, we’ll
get better at English.
Till then, kindly adjust.
Friday, November 4, 2011
A Girl
A GIRL is the most beautiful part of Gods creation...
She starts compromising at a very tender age...
She sacrifices her chocolates for her brother...
Later she sacrifices her love for just a smile on her parents face...
She sacrifices her Comfort and desires for her In-Laws...
She sacrifices her full youth for her husband and children without complain...
And finally her life ends up only by compromising for others happiness...
She is that creature of God who no one can compete...
Respect every girl/lady in your life. You will never know what she has sacrificed for you...
She starts compromising at a very tender age...
She sacrifices her chocolates for her brother...
Later she sacrifices her love for just a smile on her parents face...
She sacrifices her Comfort and desires for her In-Laws...
She sacrifices her full youth for her husband and children without complain...
And finally her life ends up only by compromising for others happiness...
She is that creature of God who no one can compete...
Respect every girl/lady in your life. You will never know what she has sacrificed for you...
Friday, October 28, 2011
सहरा-पसंद हो के सिमटने लगा हूँ मैं
सहरा-पसंद हो के सिमटने लगा हूँ मैं
अँदर से लग रहा हूँ कि बँटने लगा हूँ मैं
क्या फिर किसी सफ़र पे निकलना है अब मुझे
दीवारो-दर से क्यों ये लिपटने लगा हूँ मैं
आते हैं जैसे- जैसे बिछड़ने के दिन करीब
लगता है जैसे रेल से कटने लगा हूँ मैं
क्या मुझमें एहतेजाज की ताक़त नहीं रही
पीछे की सिम्त किस लिए हटने लगा हूँ मैं
फिर सारी उम्र चाँद ने रक्खा मेरा ख़याल
एक रोज़ कह दिया था कि घटने लगा हूँ मैं
उसने भी ऐतबार की चादर समेट ली
शायद ज़बान दे के पलटने लगा हूँ मैं
अँदर से लग रहा हूँ कि बँटने लगा हूँ मैं
क्या फिर किसी सफ़र पे निकलना है अब मुझे
दीवारो-दर से क्यों ये लिपटने लगा हूँ मैं
आते हैं जैसे- जैसे बिछड़ने के दिन करीब
लगता है जैसे रेल से कटने लगा हूँ मैं
क्या मुझमें एहतेजाज की ताक़त नहीं रही
पीछे की सिम्त किस लिए हटने लगा हूँ मैं
फिर सारी उम्र चाँद ने रक्खा मेरा ख़याल
एक रोज़ कह दिया था कि घटने लगा हूँ मैं
उसने भी ऐतबार की चादर समेट ली
शायद ज़बान दे के पलटने लगा हूँ मैं
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
मेरी ख़्वाहिश है कि फिर से मैं
मेरी ख़्वाहिश है कि फिर से मैं फ़रिश्ता हो जाऊँ
माँ से इस तरह लिपट जाऊं कि बच्चा हो जाऊँ
कम-से कम बच्चों के होठों की हंसी की ख़ातिर
ऎसी मिट्टी में मिलाना कि खिलौना हो जाऊँ
सोचता हूँ तो छलक उठती हैं मेरी आँखें
तेरे बारे में न सॊचूं तो अकेला हो जाऊँ
चारागर तेरी महारथ पे यक़ीं है लेकिन
क्या ज़रूरी है कि हर बार मैं अच्छा हो जाऊँ
बेसबब इश्क़ में मरना मुझे मंज़ूर नहीं
शमा तो चाह रही है कि पतंगा हो जाऊँ
शायरी कुछ भी हो रुसवा नहीं होने देती
मैं सियासत में चला जाऊं तो नंगा हो जाऊँ
------- मुनव्वर राना
माँ से इस तरह लिपट जाऊं कि बच्चा हो जाऊँ
कम-से कम बच्चों के होठों की हंसी की ख़ातिर
ऎसी मिट्टी में मिलाना कि खिलौना हो जाऊँ
सोचता हूँ तो छलक उठती हैं मेरी आँखें
तेरे बारे में न सॊचूं तो अकेला हो जाऊँ
चारागर तेरी महारथ पे यक़ीं है लेकिन
क्या ज़रूरी है कि हर बार मैं अच्छा हो जाऊँ
बेसबब इश्क़ में मरना मुझे मंज़ूर नहीं
शमा तो चाह रही है कि पतंगा हो जाऊँ
शायरी कुछ भी हो रुसवा नहीं होने देती
मैं सियासत में चला जाऊं तो नंगा हो जाऊँ
------- मुनव्वर राना
Monday, August 8, 2011
Faraz Hi Faraz
Hum Se Bichar K Us Ka Takbbur Bikhar Gaya Faraz
Har Ek Se Mil Raha Hy Barii Aajzii K Saath
============
Dil K Rishto’n Ki Nazakat wo Kia Janey ‘Faraz’
Naram Lafzo’n Se Bhi Lag Jati Hyn Chotai’n Aksar
=============
Bin Maange Hi Mil Jati Hyn Taabeerai’n Kisi Ko Faraz
Koi Khaali Haath Reh Jata Hy Hazaro’n Duao’n K Baad
=============
Us Ne Mujhe Chhor Dia To Kia Hua Faraz…
Meine bhi To Chora Tha Sara Zamana Us K Liye…
=============
Zinda tha to kisi ne na pucha haalat-e-jigar,
Ab mar gaye hain to mitti main dabanay aagaye,
Chor k dunya ko madhosh huye thy hum,
Woh na janay kya soch kar humko jaganay aagaye,
Na janay kis se pucha hai wafa ne pata mera,
Meri qabar pe bhi humko jaganay aagaye,
Hum to andhere main sonay k aadi they,
Or woh bewafa meri qabar per diye jalanay aagaye.
Zinda tha to ek nazar na dekha pyar se Faraz!
===============
Gham-E-Hayaat Ka Jhagra Mita Raha Hai Koi
Chale Aoo Duniya Se Ja Raha Hai Koi
Azal Se Keh Do Ruk Jayee Do Ghari
Suna Hai Aane Ka Wada Nibha Raha Hai Koi
Wo Is Naaz Se Bethe Hain Laash K Pass
Jese Ruthay Hoe Ko Mana Raha Hai Koi
Palat Kar Na Aa Jayen Phir Saans
Itnay Haseen Hathon Se Mayyat Saja Raha Hai Koi
====================
In barishon say dosti achi nahin faraz
Kacha tera makan hai kuch to hayal kar
================
Dob jao in ankho me "Faraz"
Bara hasseen samunder hy kodkoshi k liye
Meaning
Takbbur : Proud
Aajzii : Politeness
Nazakat : Softness
Taabeerai :
Har Ek Se Mil Raha Hy Barii Aajzii K Saath
============
Dil K Rishto’n Ki Nazakat wo Kia Janey ‘Faraz’
Naram Lafzo’n Se Bhi Lag Jati Hyn Chotai’n Aksar
=============
Bin Maange Hi Mil Jati Hyn Taabeerai’n Kisi Ko Faraz
Koi Khaali Haath Reh Jata Hy Hazaro’n Duao’n K Baad
=============
Us Ne Mujhe Chhor Dia To Kia Hua Faraz…
Meine bhi To Chora Tha Sara Zamana Us K Liye…
=============
Zinda tha to kisi ne na pucha haalat-e-jigar,
Ab mar gaye hain to mitti main dabanay aagaye,
Chor k dunya ko madhosh huye thy hum,
Woh na janay kya soch kar humko jaganay aagaye,
Na janay kis se pucha hai wafa ne pata mera,
Meri qabar pe bhi humko jaganay aagaye,
Hum to andhere main sonay k aadi they,
Or woh bewafa meri qabar per diye jalanay aagaye.
Zinda tha to ek nazar na dekha pyar se Faraz!
===============
Gham-E-Hayaat Ka Jhagra Mita Raha Hai Koi
Chale Aoo Duniya Se Ja Raha Hai Koi
Azal Se Keh Do Ruk Jayee Do Ghari
Suna Hai Aane Ka Wada Nibha Raha Hai Koi
Wo Is Naaz Se Bethe Hain Laash K Pass
Jese Ruthay Hoe Ko Mana Raha Hai Koi
Palat Kar Na Aa Jayen Phir Saans
Itnay Haseen Hathon Se Mayyat Saja Raha Hai Koi
====================
In barishon say dosti achi nahin faraz
Kacha tera makan hai kuch to hayal kar
================
Dob jao in ankho me "Faraz"
Bara hasseen samunder hy kodkoshi k liye
Meaning
Takbbur : Proud
Aajzii : Politeness
Nazakat : Softness
Taabeerai :
Friday, July 8, 2011
सारे जहाँ से अच्छा हिन्दोस्तां हमारा
सारे जहाँ से अच्छा हिन्दोस्तां हमारा
हम बुलबुले हैं इसकी यह गुलसिता हमारा
ग़ुरबत में हों अगर हम, रहता है दिल वतन में
समझो वहीँ हमें भी , दिल हो जहाँ हमारा
पर्वत वो सबसे ऊँचा, हमसाया आसमा का
वो संतरी हमारा, वो पासवां हमारा
गोदी में खेलती हैं , जिसकी हजारो नदिया
गुलशन है जिसके दम से रश्के-जिना हमारा
ऐ आबे-रोदें गंगा, वो दिन है याद तुझको
उतरा तेरे किनारे जब कारवां हमारा
मजहब नहीं सिखाता आपस में बैर रखना
हिंदी हैं हम वतन है हिन्दोस्तां हमारा
यूनान , मिश्र , रोम सब मिड गए जहाँ से
अब तक मगर है बाकि नामो- निशाँ हमारा
कुछ बात है की हस्ती मिति नहीं हमारी
सदियों रहा है दुश्मन दौरे जहाँ हमारा
इकबाल कोई मरहूम अपना नहीं जहाँ में
मालूम क्या किसी को दर्दे निहा हमरा
हम बुलबुले हैं इसकी यह गुलसिता हमारा
ग़ुरबत में हों अगर हम, रहता है दिल वतन में
समझो वहीँ हमें भी , दिल हो जहाँ हमारा
पर्वत वो सबसे ऊँचा, हमसाया आसमा का
वो संतरी हमारा, वो पासवां हमारा
गोदी में खेलती हैं , जिसकी हजारो नदिया
गुलशन है जिसके दम से रश्के-जिना हमारा
ऐ आबे-रोदें गंगा, वो दिन है याद तुझको
उतरा तेरे किनारे जब कारवां हमारा
मजहब नहीं सिखाता आपस में बैर रखना
हिंदी हैं हम वतन है हिन्दोस्तां हमारा
यूनान , मिश्र , रोम सब मिड गए जहाँ से
अब तक मगर है बाकि नामो- निशाँ हमारा
कुछ बात है की हस्ती मिति नहीं हमारी
सदियों रहा है दुश्मन दौरे जहाँ हमारा
इकबाल कोई मरहूम अपना नहीं जहाँ में
मालूम क्या किसी को दर्दे निहा हमरा
Friday, July 1, 2011
Face off
An American, an Englishman and a Indian went for a hike one day.
It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted. When they came upon a small lake, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water since it was fairly secluded
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying> their "freedom". As they were crossing an open area,
suddenly a group of ladies from town appeared. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and the Englishman quickly used their hands to cover their privates. But the Indian covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the American and the Englishman asked the Indian why he covered his Face rather than his private part
The Indian replied, "I don't know about you, but in my country, it's the face that people recognize."
It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted. When they came upon a small lake, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water since it was fairly secluded
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying> their "freedom". As they were crossing an open area,
suddenly a group of ladies from town appeared. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and the Englishman quickly used their hands to cover their privates. But the Indian covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the American and the Englishman asked the Indian why he covered his Face rather than his private part
The Indian replied, "I don't know about you, but in my country, it's the face that people recognize."
Friday, June 24, 2011
You are a Desi, if....
You are a Desi, if....
1....you ask for small drink at fast food restaurant because the refill is free.
2....you know more than one plans offered by long distance companies.
3....you take plain water instead of Coke for lunch. (may also be a health nut)
4....you take any drink with no ice because you can't drink ice.
5....you ask before eating any meat "Is this beef?".
6....you try to ignore all other unknown desi's around you.
7....you tell your friends about this wonderful opportunity, and invite them to an Amway meeting
8....you know all the facilities available at public library.
9....you talk to Americans as if you represent your whole country.
10....stove top in your apartment is covered with aluminum foil.
11.....you frequent to yard sales every week.
12....you find taco bell sauce packets in your kitchen drawer.
13....your dinner involves spreading newspaper on living room floor.
14....you take off your shoes before stepping foot in your living room.
15....if you like onion rings at Burger King.
16....you are looking for dual voltage appliances.
17....the phrase "When are you going to India" comes into your conversation at least once a day.
18....you bought Toyota or Honda car only because it has better resale value.
19.....the number of long distance calls is more than domestic calls.
20.....you keep switching your internet service provider because first month is free.
21.....you go back to your apartment for lunch.
22.....your full name contains more than 15 characters.
23.....you know all the $1.50 theaters in your city.
24.....the only reason you go to a temple on festivals is because there is free food.
25.....you have spent nights in the car while traveling because you wanted to save money spent on cheap motel.
26.....you don't know any American outside your work.
27.....you tried to flirt with the Hindi speaking operator at AT&T.
28.....you have at least one Indian made pressure cooker in your kitchen.
29.....you know how much a 7 layer burrito costs at Taco Bell.
30.....you run to Laundromat in your lungi.
31.....put oil in your hair.
32.....you have a picture of Indian deity on the dashboard of your car.
33.....if this thought comes to you "Oh shit I just saw another desi" when you are window shopping at the mall.
34.....if you keep comparing prices at Circuit City for the phone you bought six months ago.
35.....the lawyer handling your green card is in your speed dial.
36.....you are compelled to visit every major city in US, just so as to say that "Yes I have been there "
37.....you are comfortable with an American than an ABCD.
38.....you have been to Mexico or Canada for multiple entry H1 Visa.
39.....you pay your bills the day they come in mail.
40.....spent 2 days cleaning your apartment before leaving so you can get full security refund from landlord.
41.....have a bucket in your bath tub.
42.....you have to borrow luggage from friends for India visit.
43.....the smoke detector goes off whenever your are cooking dinner.
44.....you know which grocery store keeps coriander.
45.....you buy butter milk before you run out of it.
46.....you use grocery bags as garbage bags.
47.....you say 'Damn I have already seen this show" when ever you are watching Married With Children.
48.....you buy rice in the 20 pound bags.
49.....office supplies mysteriously find their way in your house.
50.....you don't want to buy a printer because you can always use the office printer.
51.....you have postponed buying answering machine because the computer you are planning to buy six months later has in built answering machine.
52.....your idea of fun involves bowling.
53.....you starts spelling your name to the operator like A as in Apple, B as in boy , T as in train ...well you get the idea.
54.....you ask another desi if he /she ever got a traffic ticket.
55.....you haven't had a single female in your apartment besides your friends wife.
56.....you bring over the counter medicines like Iodex and Vicks from India.
57.....decide to marry a girl, your parents fixed without even meeting her.
58.....you know the current differential in gold prices between India and US.
59.....you go to a temple to look at girls.
60.....you have worked illegally in a Guju's motel.
61.....you mark your forehead with sacred ash.
62.....you have bought a video camera just before Niagara trip and returned it after the trip.
63.....wear VIP/Indian brand underwear and undershirts.
64.....you have Rin (detergent soap cake) in your bathroom.
65.....you have taken pictures of your car and mailed to your folks back home.
66....you use the credit card with maximum cash back.
67....you have collected enough frequent flier miles for a international trip.
68....you are saving more that 30 % of your salary.
69....you talk about the sexual escapades of your friend.
70....you have never asked a girl out. (you might just be plain ugly too)
71....you've bookmarked immigration web pages in your browser.
72....you know your friends salaries!
73....you smell likes a curry.
74....you have asked a PhD student for a ride to grocery store.
75....there are more than 4 guys living in a 2 bedroom apartment.
76....you have a cooking schedule in your kitchen cabinet.
77....you spend at least 2 evenings in a week at Kmart.
78....you split even the tax out of your common grocery bill.
79....you complain about Indian international airports on your first vacation to India.
80....you take 4 week long vacation
1....you ask for small drink at fast food restaurant because the refill is free.
2....you know more than one plans offered by long distance companies.
3....you take plain water instead of Coke for lunch. (may also be a health nut)
4....you take any drink with no ice because you can't drink ice.
5....you ask before eating any meat "Is this beef?".
6....you try to ignore all other unknown desi's around you.
7....you tell your friends about this wonderful opportunity, and invite them to an Amway meeting
8....you know all the facilities available at public library.
9....you talk to Americans as if you represent your whole country.
10....stove top in your apartment is covered with aluminum foil.
11.....you frequent to yard sales every week.
12....you find taco bell sauce packets in your kitchen drawer.
13....your dinner involves spreading newspaper on living room floor.
14....you take off your shoes before stepping foot in your living room.
15....if you like onion rings at Burger King.
16....you are looking for dual voltage appliances.
17....the phrase "When are you going to India" comes into your conversation at least once a day.
18....you bought Toyota or Honda car only because it has better resale value.
19.....the number of long distance calls is more than domestic calls.
20.....you keep switching your internet service provider because first month is free.
21.....you go back to your apartment for lunch.
22.....your full name contains more than 15 characters.
23.....you know all the $1.50 theaters in your city.
24.....the only reason you go to a temple on festivals is because there is free food.
25.....you have spent nights in the car while traveling because you wanted to save money spent on cheap motel.
26.....you don't know any American outside your work.
27.....you tried to flirt with the Hindi speaking operator at AT&T.
28.....you have at least one Indian made pressure cooker in your kitchen.
29.....you know how much a 7 layer burrito costs at Taco Bell.
30.....you run to Laundromat in your lungi.
31.....put oil in your hair.
32.....you have a picture of Indian deity on the dashboard of your car.
33.....if this thought comes to you "Oh shit I just saw another desi" when you are window shopping at the mall.
34.....if you keep comparing prices at Circuit City for the phone you bought six months ago.
35.....the lawyer handling your green card is in your speed dial.
36.....you are compelled to visit every major city in US, just so as to say that "Yes I have been there "
37.....you are comfortable with an American than an ABCD.
38.....you have been to Mexico or Canada for multiple entry H1 Visa.
39.....you pay your bills the day they come in mail.
40.....spent 2 days cleaning your apartment before leaving so you can get full security refund from landlord.
41.....have a bucket in your bath tub.
42.....you have to borrow luggage from friends for India visit.
43.....the smoke detector goes off whenever your are cooking dinner.
44.....you know which grocery store keeps coriander.
45.....you buy butter milk before you run out of it.
46.....you use grocery bags as garbage bags.
47.....you say 'Damn I have already seen this show" when ever you are watching Married With Children.
48.....you buy rice in the 20 pound bags.
49.....office supplies mysteriously find their way in your house.
50.....you don't want to buy a printer because you can always use the office printer.
51.....you have postponed buying answering machine because the computer you are planning to buy six months later has in built answering machine.
52.....your idea of fun involves bowling.
53.....you starts spelling your name to the operator like A as in Apple, B as in boy , T as in train ...well you get the idea.
54.....you ask another desi if he /she ever got a traffic ticket.
55.....you haven't had a single female in your apartment besides your friends wife.
56.....you bring over the counter medicines like Iodex and Vicks from India.
57.....decide to marry a girl, your parents fixed without even meeting her.
58.....you know the current differential in gold prices between India and US.
59.....you go to a temple to look at girls.
60.....you have worked illegally in a Guju's motel.
61.....you mark your forehead with sacred ash.
62.....you have bought a video camera just before Niagara trip and returned it after the trip.
63.....wear VIP/Indian brand underwear and undershirts.
64.....you have Rin (detergent soap cake) in your bathroom.
65.....you have taken pictures of your car and mailed to your folks back home.
66....you use the credit card with maximum cash back.
67....you have collected enough frequent flier miles for a international trip.
68....you are saving more that 30 % of your salary.
69....you talk about the sexual escapades of your friend.
70....you have never asked a girl out. (you might just be plain ugly too)
71....you've bookmarked immigration web pages in your browser.
72....you know your friends salaries!
73....you smell likes a curry.
74....you have asked a PhD student for a ride to grocery store.
75....there are more than 4 guys living in a 2 bedroom apartment.
76....you have a cooking schedule in your kitchen cabinet.
77....you spend at least 2 evenings in a week at Kmart.
78....you split even the tax out of your common grocery bill.
79....you complain about Indian international airports on your first vacation to India.
80....you take 4 week long vacation
Friday, June 17, 2011
Woman's Ears... !!!
Banta lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good one in Mumbai, and went to him.
The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, " Yes, I can put you right."
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, "You bastard, you gave me a woman's ears."
"Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's."
"You're wrong, I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!"
The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, " Yes, I can put you right."
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, "You bastard, you gave me a woman's ears."
"Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's."
"You're wrong, I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!"
Friday, June 10, 2011
Only GOD understands us !!!!!!!!
Swarg k dwar pe 3 log khade the.
God : Sirf 1 hi andar ja sakta hai....
1st : Main Brahmin hu, sari umar aapki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera hak hai....
2nd : Main Doctor hu, sari umar logo ki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera haq hai....
3rd : Maine IT MEIN JOB KI HAI.... ......
God : aage kuch mat bol.... Rulaayega kya pagle..? Andar aa ja......... Tera forwarded mails, follow-ups, bench pe 2years, night shifts, PM se panga, CTC se zaada deductions, pick-up drop ka lafda , Ladki na milne ki frustrations, client meetings, delivery dates, week ends mein kaam etc etc…. mere ko senti kar diya yaar…..aja jaldi andar aja…..
God : Sirf 1 hi andar ja sakta hai....
1st : Main Brahmin hu, sari umar aapki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera hak hai....
2nd : Main Doctor hu, sari umar logo ki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera haq hai....
3rd : Maine IT MEIN JOB KI HAI.... ......
God : aage kuch mat bol.... Rulaayega kya pagle..? Andar aa ja......... Tera forwarded mails, follow-ups, bench pe 2years, night shifts, PM se panga, CTC se zaada deductions, pick-up drop ka lafda , Ladki na milne ki frustrations, client meetings, delivery dates, week ends mein kaam etc etc…. mere ko senti kar diya yaar…..aja jaldi andar aja…..
Friday, June 3, 2011
Fasane Dhoondte hain
Kitaabon Mein Mere Fasaane Dhoondte Hain
Naadaan Hain Guzre Zamaane Dhoondte Hain
Jab Woh The....!! Talaash-E-Zindagi Bhi Thi
Ab To Maut Ke Thikaane Dhoondte Hain..!!
Kal Khud Hi Apni Mehfil Se Nikaala Tha..!!
Aaj Mujh Se Deewaane Dhoondte Hain...!!
Musaafir Be-Khabar Hain Teri Aankhon Se
Tere Shahar Mein Maikhaane Dhoondte Hain
Tujhe Kya Pataa Ae Sitam Dhaane Waale
Hum To Rone Ke Bahaane Dhoondte Hain...!!
Unki Aankhon Ko Youn Dekho Na
Naye Teer Hain...!! Nishaane Dhoondte Hain..!!
Naadaan Hain Guzre Zamaane Dhoondte Hain
Jab Woh The....!! Talaash-E-Zindagi Bhi Thi
Ab To Maut Ke Thikaane Dhoondte Hain..!!
Kal Khud Hi Apni Mehfil Se Nikaala Tha..!!
Aaj Mujh Se Deewaane Dhoondte Hain...!!
Musaafir Be-Khabar Hain Teri Aankhon Se
Tere Shahar Mein Maikhaane Dhoondte Hain
Tujhe Kya Pataa Ae Sitam Dhaane Waale
Hum To Rone Ke Bahaane Dhoondte Hain...!!
Unki Aankhon Ko Youn Dekho Na
Naye Teer Hain...!! Nishaane Dhoondte Hain..!!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Why we support Anna Hazare?
Yesterday I went to Employment Exchange Office. It was a funny experience for me. I realize that one Anna Hazare is not enough for our country every one should be Anna Hazare.
I have asked the guy sitting outside the "Emplpoyment Exchange Office" Can you please give me a form for registration?
Peon: Do you have already registered in Employment Office or is it a new registration?
Me: Yes I have already registered in Employment Office but in 2005 it is expired now.
Peon : You have to cancel that registration before going to a new registration.You just go to Haridwar and bring a Cancellation later from there after words we can proceed.
Me: I had registered in 2005. And its duration is 3 years. So it is expired we can go for new one.
Peon: No Sir, we can't but we can help you in cancellation process.
Me:How you can help?
Peon: Give us 50 Rs. One person from our department will go there and would cancel your previous registration.
Me: Should I wait for that person to come with cancellation letter?
Peon: No Sir, there is no need to wait. you fill the form for new registration we will do it in background.
He is openly asking bribe of fifty rupees for registration.I have make up my mind not to give a single penny for this free process. I have already registered online one day back. But it was temporary registration to make it permanent one need to meet the officer and present your domicile. I thought to play with this card here.
Me: Actually I have already registered online and only need to make it permanent. I don't need any form. I just want to meet the concern officer.
Peon: From where you have registered?
Me: From net
Peon: Oh! from outside.
Me: Yes.
Peon: It is is not acceptable, you can register only from inside office.
I thought to make him understand about centralize database and internet.But very next moment I have left the idea and thought to meet the concern officer.
Me: What is your name? I need to meet the concern person.
Peon: Mohit, He is inside just go straight.
Me: Sir I have registered online. I want to make this registration permanent. What document should produce?
Officer: When you have done that?
Me: Yesterday
Officer:But Yesterday was Sunday and on Sunday our office was closed. So your registration is not acceptable.
I didn't say a word to him, I just came out give fifty rupees to Mohit, took the form and filled
it.
This way I have registered my self in "Employment Exchange Office" :)
I believe they are supporter of Anna Hazare. I am not against Anna Hazare but I want to say if we are not true to our job we can never end the corruption from the country. We want to end the corruption but never miss an opportunity to grab the illegal money.
I have asked the guy sitting outside the "Emplpoyment Exchange Office" Can you please give me a form for registration?
Peon: Do you have already registered in Employment Office or is it a new registration?
Me: Yes I have already registered in Employment Office but in 2005 it is expired now.
Peon : You have to cancel that registration before going to a new registration.You just go to Haridwar and bring a Cancellation later from there after words we can proceed.
Me: I had registered in 2005. And its duration is 3 years. So it is expired we can go for new one.
Peon: No Sir, we can't but we can help you in cancellation process.
Me:How you can help?
Peon: Give us 50 Rs. One person from our department will go there and would cancel your previous registration.
Me: Should I wait for that person to come with cancellation letter?
Peon: No Sir, there is no need to wait. you fill the form for new registration we will do it in background.
He is openly asking bribe of fifty rupees for registration.I have make up my mind not to give a single penny for this free process. I have already registered online one day back. But it was temporary registration to make it permanent one need to meet the officer and present your domicile. I thought to play with this card here.
Me: Actually I have already registered online and only need to make it permanent. I don't need any form. I just want to meet the concern officer.
Peon: From where you have registered?
Me: From net
Peon: Oh! from outside.
Me: Yes.
Peon: It is is not acceptable, you can register only from inside office.
I thought to make him understand about centralize database and internet.But very next moment I have left the idea and thought to meet the concern officer.
Me: What is your name? I need to meet the concern person.
Peon: Mohit, He is inside just go straight.
Me: Sir I have registered online. I want to make this registration permanent. What document should produce?
Officer: When you have done that?
Me: Yesterday
Officer:But Yesterday was Sunday and on Sunday our office was closed. So your registration is not acceptable.
I didn't say a word to him, I just came out give fifty rupees to Mohit, took the form and filled
it.
This way I have registered my self in "Employment Exchange Office" :)
I believe they are supporter of Anna Hazare. I am not against Anna Hazare but I want to say if we are not true to our job we can never end the corruption from the country. We want to end the corruption but never miss an opportunity to grab the illegal money.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Suno..! aay chand c larki.
Abhi tum titliyaan pakro.
Ya phir Guriyon sy khelo tum...!
Ya phr masoom c Aankhon sy dheron khwab daikho tum..
Faraz-o-Faiz-o-Mohsin, ki kitaben mat abhi prhna..,
Ye sb lafzon k sahir hein.
Tumhein uljha k rakh dein gy
Tumhein Maloom he kab hai..
Mohabat k libady mein..
Hawas aur Hirs hoti hai..'
Ye insanon ki dunya hai.
Magr in sy kaheen barh kr.., yahan wehshi drinday hein...'
Wo wehshi jin ki Aankhon me..
Machalty piyar k peechy.
Hawas aur Hirs hoti hai..'
Abhi kachi kalii ho tum...,
Abhi kaanton sy mat khelo..,
Abhi apni Hatheli par..
Kisi ka Naam mat likho...,
Abhi apni kitabon mein
gulaabi phool mat rako...!
Abhi tum titliyan pakro
Abhi tum guriyoun sy khailo.
Ya phir Guriyon sy khelo tum...!
Ya phr masoom c Aankhon sy dheron khwab daikho tum..
Faraz-o-Faiz-o-Mohsin, ki kitaben mat abhi prhna..,
Ye sb lafzon k sahir hein.
Tumhein uljha k rakh dein gy
Tumhein Maloom he kab hai..
Mohabat k libady mein..
Hawas aur Hirs hoti hai..'
Ye insanon ki dunya hai.
Magr in sy kaheen barh kr.., yahan wehshi drinday hein...'
Wo wehshi jin ki Aankhon me..
Machalty piyar k peechy.
Hawas aur Hirs hoti hai..'
Abhi kachi kalii ho tum...,
Abhi kaanton sy mat khelo..,
Abhi apni Hatheli par..
Kisi ka Naam mat likho...,
Abhi apni kitabon mein
gulaabi phool mat rako...!
Abhi tum titliyan pakro
Abhi tum guriyoun sy khailo.
Friday, May 20, 2011
May I know the time please ?
Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please? Old Man: Certainly not.
Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose,if you tell me the time?
Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the time.
Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?
Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.
Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.
Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came in to wish me.
Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea.
After my courteous approach you will try to come again.This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.?
Young Man: Possible
Old Man: Then I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you and you will admire my daughter.
Young Man: Smiles. ;)
Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter again and again. You will offer her to go out for a movie together and a date with you.
Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her and propose her for marriage.
Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.
Young Man: Oh Yes! And smiles
Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my daughter to a person like you who does not even own a watch.
Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose,if you tell me the time?
Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the time.
Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?
Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.
Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.
Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came in to wish me.
Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea.
After my courteous approach you will try to come again.This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.?
Young Man: Possible
Old Man: Then I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you and you will admire my daughter.
Young Man: Smiles. ;)
Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter again and again. You will offer her to go out for a movie together and a date with you.
Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her and propose her for marriage.
Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.
Young Man: Oh Yes! And smiles
Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my daughter to a person like you who does not even own a watch.
Friday, May 13, 2011
INTELLIGENT COUNSEL - GOOD ONE
While visiting India, George Bush is invited
to tea with Abdul Kalam.
He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is.
He says that, it is to surround himself with
intelligent people.
Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says
Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,
"Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question:
Your mother has a child, and your father has a child,
and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Manmohan immediately responds,
"It's me, Sir !"
"Correct. Thank you and
good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs
up and says," Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot.
I'll definitely be using that!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides
he'd better put Condoleezza Rice to the test.
Bush summons her to the White House and says,
"Condoleezza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is not
your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about
it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.
Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators,
and they puzzle over the question for several
hours,
but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally,
in desperation,
Rice calls
Colin Powell
and explains the problem.
"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father
has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House,
finds George Bush, and exclaims,
"I know the answer, sir! I know
who it is!
It's our Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
it's Manmohan Singh!"
to tea with Abdul Kalam.
He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is.
He says that, it is to surround himself with
intelligent people.
Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says
Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,
"Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question:
Your mother has a child, and your father has a child,
and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Manmohan immediately responds,
"It's me, Sir !"
"Correct. Thank you and
good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs
up and says," Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot.
I'll definitely be using that!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides
he'd better put Condoleezza Rice to the test.
Bush summons her to the White House and says,
"Condoleezza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is not
your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about
it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.
Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators,
and they puzzle over the question for several
hours,
but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally,
in desperation,
Rice calls
Colin Powell
and explains the problem.
"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father
has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House,
finds George Bush, and exclaims,
"I know the answer, sir! I know
who it is!
It's our Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
it's Manmohan Singh!"
Friday, May 6, 2011
Family
F A M I L Y
I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
'Oh excuse me please' was my reply.
He said, 'Please excuse me to
I wasn't watching for you.'
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still..
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
'Move out of the way,' I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken..
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
'While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.'
By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
'Wake up, little one, wake up,' I said.
'Are these the flowers you picked for me?'
He smiled, 'I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue.'
I said, 'Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way.'
He said, 'Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway.'
I said, 'Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.'
FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.
And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don't you think?
So what is behind the story?
Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU
I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
'Oh excuse me please' was my reply.
He said, 'Please excuse me to
I wasn't watching for you.'
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still..
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
'Move out of the way,' I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken..
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
'While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.'
By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
'Wake up, little one, wake up,' I said.
'Are these the flowers you picked for me?'
He smiled, 'I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue.'
I said, 'Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way.'
He said, 'Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway.'
I said, 'Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.'
FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.
And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don't you think?
So what is behind the story?
Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU
Friday, April 29, 2011
What do you make Mr CEO?
The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.
One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"
To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?"
Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make?" (She paused for a second, then began...)
"Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
"I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie rental.
"You want to know what I make?" (She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table)
"I make kids wonder.
"I make them question.
"I make them apologize and mean it.
"I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.
"I teach them to write and then I make them write. Keyboarding isn't everything.
"I make them read, read, read.
"I make them show all their work in math. They use their God given brain, not the man-made calculator.
"I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know about English while preserving their unique cultural identity.
"I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.
"Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life." (Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)
"Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn't everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant. You want to know what I make? I MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
"What do you make Mr. CEO?"
His jaw dropped, he went silent.
One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"
To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?"
Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make?" (She paused for a second, then began...)
"Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
"I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie rental.
"You want to know what I make?" (She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table)
"I make kids wonder.
"I make them question.
"I make them apologize and mean it.
"I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.
"I teach them to write and then I make them write. Keyboarding isn't everything.
"I make them read, read, read.
"I make them show all their work in math. They use their God given brain, not the man-made calculator.
"I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know about English while preserving their unique cultural identity.
"I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.
"Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life." (Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)
"Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn't everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant. You want to know what I make? I MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
"What do you make Mr. CEO?"
His jaw dropped, he went silent.
Friday, April 22, 2011
I married to your sister
*A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation were
sitting in their pews and talking.* *Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front
of the church.*
*
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling
each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in
his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate
enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.
'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all
eternity?' persisted Satan.
'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.
' Nope,' said the old man
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'*
*The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.*
sitting in their pews and talking.* *Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front
of the church.*
*
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling
each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in
his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate
enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.
'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all
eternity?' persisted Satan.
'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.
' Nope,' said the old man
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'*
*The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.*
Friday, April 15, 2011
Beautiful use of Only
Professor Ernest Brennecke of Columbia is credited with inventing a sentence that can be made to have eight different meanings by placing ONE WORD in all possible positions in the sentence:
"I hit him in the eye yesterday."
The word is "ONLY".
The Message:
1.ONLY I hit him in the eye yesterday. (No one else did.)
2.I ONLY hit him in the eye yesterday. (Did not slap him.)
3.I hit ONLY him in the eye yesterday. (I did not hit others.)
4.I hit him ONLY in the eye yesterday. (I did not hit outside the eye.)
5.I hit him in ONLY the eye yesterday. (Not other organs.)
6.I hit him in the ONLY eye yesterday. (He doesn't have another eye..)
7.I hit him in the eye ONLY yesterday. (Not today.)
8.I hit him in the eye yesterday ONLY. (Did not wait for today.)
This is the beauty and complexity of the English language.
"I hit him in the eye yesterday."
The word is "ONLY".
The Message:
1.ONLY I hit him in the eye yesterday. (No one else did.)
2.I ONLY hit him in the eye yesterday. (Did not slap him.)
3.I hit ONLY him in the eye yesterday. (I did not hit others.)
4.I hit him ONLY in the eye yesterday. (I did not hit outside the eye.)
5.I hit him in ONLY the eye yesterday. (Not other organs.)
6.I hit him in the ONLY eye yesterday. (He doesn't have another eye..)
7.I hit him in the eye ONLY yesterday. (Not today.)
8.I hit him in the eye yesterday ONLY. (Did not wait for today.)
This is the beauty and complexity of the English language.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Akbar And Birbal
Once Akbar Asked Birbal. Write something, if it is read in Happyness it feel sorrow. And if it is read in sorrow it feels Happy.
Think what he has written????..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
"This time will pass."
Think what he has written????..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
"This time will pass."
Friday, April 1, 2011
Mohabbat
Jisne humko chaha hum use chah na sake
Jisko chaha use hum pa na sake
Mohabbat naam hai dill tutne ka shayed
Humne kisi ka toda aur apna hum bacha na sake
Manjilen bhi uski thi rasta bhi uska tha
Ek hum hi akele the rasta bhi uska tha
Sath chalne ki soch bhi uski thi
Phir rasta badalne ka fainsla bhi uska tha
Hum samajh na paaye usko jeete jee.
Log to uske the kya khuda bhi uska tha
Jisko chaha use hum pa na sake
Mohabbat naam hai dill tutne ka shayed
Humne kisi ka toda aur apna hum bacha na sake
Manjilen bhi uski thi rasta bhi uska tha
Ek hum hi akele the rasta bhi uska tha
Sath chalne ki soch bhi uski thi
Phir rasta badalne ka fainsla bhi uska tha
Hum samajh na paaye usko jeete jee.
Log to uske the kya khuda bhi uska tha
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
A hundred dollar Story
*An Indian tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco.
Looking around at the exotic, he notices a very lifelike,
Life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag,
But is so striking he decides he must have it.
He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the
Story,"says the owner.
The tourist gives the man twelve dollars.
"I'll just take the rat,you can keep the story."
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat,
He notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys
And sewers and begin following him down the street.
This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster.
But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind
Him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing.
He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see
That the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are still
Squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay
And throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he
Can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay
After it, and are all drowned.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
The man walks back to the curio shop.
"Ah ha," says the owner, "You have come back for the Story?"
"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a statue of an
Indian politician in bronze!!
Looking around at the exotic, he notices a very lifelike,
Life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag,
But is so striking he decides he must have it.
He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the
Story,"says the owner.
The tourist gives the man twelve dollars.
"I'll just take the rat,you can keep the story."
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat,
He notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys
And sewers and begin following him down the street.
This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster.
But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind
Him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing.
He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see
That the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are still
Squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay
And throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he
Can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay
After it, and are all drowned.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
The man walks back to the curio shop.
"Ah ha," says the owner, "You have come back for the Story?"
"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a statue of an
Indian politician in bronze!!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Girlfriend and Wife
Girlfriend is like MOBILE (Cell)
At home watch TV
go out bring MOBILE
No money, sell TV
Got money change MOBILE
Sometimes enjoy TV
but most of the time play with MOBILE
TV is free for life
but MOBILE if you don't pay, the services will be terminated
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old!
But MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable at any time
Operational cost for TV is often acceptable
but for MOBILE is high and often demanding
TV got remote
MOBILE don't have
Most important, MOBILE is two ways communication (talk and listen)
but with TV you MUST listen to it (either you want to hear nagging or not)
Last but not least! TV do not have virus, but MOBILE, yes, they do have VIRUS!
At home watch TV
go out bring MOBILE
No money, sell TV
Got money change MOBILE
Sometimes enjoy TV
but most of the time play with MOBILE
TV is free for life
but MOBILE if you don't pay, the services will be terminated
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old!
But MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable at any time
Operational cost for TV is often acceptable
but for MOBILE is high and often demanding
TV got remote
MOBILE don't have
Most important, MOBILE is two ways communication (talk and listen)
but with TV you MUST listen to it (either you want to hear nagging or not)
Last but not least! TV do not have virus, but MOBILE, yes, they do have VIRUS!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Alexander, after conquering many kingdoms, was returning home. On the way,
he fell ill and it took him to his death bed. With death staring him in his
face, Alexander realized how his conquests, his great army, his sharp sword
and all his wealth were of no consequence.
He now longed to reach home to see his mother's face and bid her his last
adieu. But, he had to
accept the fact that his sinking health would not permit him to reach his
distant homeland.
So, the mighty conqueror lay prostrate and pale, helplessly waiting to
breathe his last.
He called his generals and said,
"I will depart from this world soon, I have three wishes, please carry them
out without fail."
With tears flowing down their cheeks, the generals agreed to abide by their
king's last wishes.
*1) "My first desire is that", said Alexander, *
*"My physicians alone must" carry my coffin." *
*2) After a pause, he continued, ***
*"Secondly, I desire that when my coffin is being carried to the grave, *
*the path leading to the graveyard be strewn with gold, silver *
*and precious stones which I have collected in my treasury".*
*3) The king felt exhausted after saying this. He took a minute's rest and
continued. ***
*"My third and last wish is that both my hands be kept dangling out of my
coffin".*
The people who had gathered there wondered at the king's strange wishes.
But no one dared bring the question to their lips..
Alexander's favorite general kissed his hand and pressed them to his heart.
* "O king, we assure you that all your wishes will be fulfilled. ***
*But tell us why do you make such strange wishes?"*
*At this Alexander took a deep breath and said: *
*"I would like the world to know of the three lessons I have just learnt.*
*Lessons to be learnt from last 3 wishes of King Alexander...
*
*I want my physicians to carry my coffin because people should realize that
no doctor ***
*on this earth can really cure any body. They are powerless. *
*And cannot save a person from the clutches of death. *
*So let not people take life for granted.*
* **The second wish of strewing gold, silver and other riches on the path
to the graveyard *
*is to tell People that not even a fraction of gold will come with me. *
*I spent all my life Greed of Power, earning riches but cannot take anything
with me. *
*Let people realize that it is a sheer waste of time to chase wealth.*
*And about my third wish of having my hands dangling out of the coffin, *
*I wish people to know that I came empty handed into this world *
*And empty handed I go out of this world".*
With these words, the king closed his eyes.
Soon he let death conquer him and breathed his last. . . .
he fell ill and it took him to his death bed. With death staring him in his
face, Alexander realized how his conquests, his great army, his sharp sword
and all his wealth were of no consequence.
He now longed to reach home to see his mother's face and bid her his last
adieu. But, he had to
accept the fact that his sinking health would not permit him to reach his
distant homeland.
So, the mighty conqueror lay prostrate and pale, helplessly waiting to
breathe his last.
He called his generals and said,
"I will depart from this world soon, I have three wishes, please carry them
out without fail."
With tears flowing down their cheeks, the generals agreed to abide by their
king's last wishes.
*1) "My first desire is that", said Alexander, *
*"My physicians alone must" carry my coffin." *
*2) After a pause, he continued, ***
*"Secondly, I desire that when my coffin is being carried to the grave, *
*the path leading to the graveyard be strewn with gold, silver *
*and precious stones which I have collected in my treasury".*
*3) The king felt exhausted after saying this. He took a minute's rest and
continued. ***
*"My third and last wish is that both my hands be kept dangling out of my
coffin".*
The people who had gathered there wondered at the king's strange wishes.
But no one dared bring the question to their lips..
Alexander's favorite general kissed his hand and pressed them to his heart.
* "O king, we assure you that all your wishes will be fulfilled. ***
*But tell us why do you make such strange wishes?"*
*At this Alexander took a deep breath and said: *
*"I would like the world to know of the three lessons I have just learnt.*
*Lessons to be learnt from last 3 wishes of King Alexander...
*
*I want my physicians to carry my coffin because people should realize that
no doctor ***
*on this earth can really cure any body. They are powerless. *
*And cannot save a person from the clutches of death. *
*So let not people take life for granted.*
* **The second wish of strewing gold, silver and other riches on the path
to the graveyard *
*is to tell People that not even a fraction of gold will come with me. *
*I spent all my life Greed of Power, earning riches but cannot take anything
with me. *
*Let people realize that it is a sheer waste of time to chase wealth.*
*And about my third wish of having my hands dangling out of the coffin, *
*I wish people to know that I came empty handed into this world *
*And empty handed I go out of this world".*
With these words, the king closed his eyes.
Soon he let death conquer him and breathed his last. . . .
Friday, March 11, 2011
Confession
A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the
Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine,
Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a
fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their
garments.
He hears a priest come in:
"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to
confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting
than it used to be".
The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".
Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine,
Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a
fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their
garments.
He hears a priest come in:
"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to
confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting
than it used to be".
The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".
Friday, March 4, 2011
Never be a stubborn
A traveler was stumbling through the desert; desperate for water, then he
saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked
towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table
with a bunch of neckties laid out.
The parched wanderer asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some
water?" The man replied "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a
tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes. "The desperate man
shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"
"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you
that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant.Walk that
way, they'll give you all the water you want."
The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually
disappeared out of sight.
Three hours later he returned. The man at the card table asked, "I told you,
about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"
"I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."
saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked
towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table
with a bunch of neckties laid out.
The parched wanderer asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some
water?" The man replied "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a
tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes. "The desperate man
shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"
"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you
that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant.Walk that
way, they'll give you all the water you want."
The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually
disappeared out of sight.
Three hours later he returned. The man at the card table asked, "I told you,
about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"
"I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."
Friday, February 25, 2011
Change your vision
There was a millionaire who was bothered by severe eye pain. He consulted a galaxy of medical experts; he consumed heavy loads of drugs and underwent hundreds of injections.
But the ache persisted with greater vigor than before. At last a monk who has supposed to be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the millionaire. The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colors and not allow his eyes to fall on any other colors. The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall on was to be painted in green color just as the monk had directed.
When the monk came to visit him after a few days, the Millionaire's servants ran to him with buckets of green paint and poured it on him since he was wearing red. They were eager to prevent their master from seeing any other color lest his eye ache came back.
Hearing this the monk laughed and said 'If only you had purchased a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these walls and trees and pots and all other articles and also could have saved a large share of his fortune. You cannot paint the world green.'
Let us change our vision and the world will appear accordingly. Instead of trying to shape the world, let us shape ourselves first!
………………Make it a great week ahead!!!!
But the ache persisted with greater vigor than before. At last a monk who has supposed to be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the millionaire. The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colors and not allow his eyes to fall on any other colors. The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall on was to be painted in green color just as the monk had directed.
When the monk came to visit him after a few days, the Millionaire's servants ran to him with buckets of green paint and poured it on him since he was wearing red. They were eager to prevent their master from seeing any other color lest his eye ache came back.
Hearing this the monk laughed and said 'If only you had purchased a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these walls and trees and pots and all other articles and also could have saved a large share of his fortune. You cannot paint the world green.'
Let us change our vision and the world will appear accordingly. Instead of trying to shape the world, let us shape ourselves first!
………………Make it a great week ahead!!!!
Friday, February 18, 2011
A Date with my Mother
I received a mail, I found it worth reading for you. Actually I want to collect all the good articles. So published it in my blog.
After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take
another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said I
love you but I know this other woman loves you and
would love to spend some time with you.
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my
MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the
demands of my work and my three children had made it
possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner
and a movie.
"What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is
the type of woman who suspects that a late night call
or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
"I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you," I
responded. "Just the two of us."
She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I
would like that very much."
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up
I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I
noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our
date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had
curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had
worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary.
She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an
angel's.
"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my
son, and they were impressed, "she said, as she got
into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our
meeting". We went to a restaurant that, although not
elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my
arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down,
I had to read the menu. Half way through
the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting
there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips
"It was I who used to have to read the menu when you
were small," she said.
"Then it's time that you relax and let me return the
favor," I responded.
During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation -
nothing extraordinary, but catching up on recent
events of each other's life. We talked so much that we
missed the movie.
As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go
out with you again, but only if you let me invite
you." I agreed.
"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got
home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have
imagined," I answered.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart
attack. It happened so suddenly that I did to not get to do
anything for her.
Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy
of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and
I had dined.
An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I
wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I
paid for two plates - one for you and the other for
your wife. You will never know what that night meant
for me. I love you, son."
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying
in time: "I LOVE YOU!" and to give our loved ones the
time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more
important than your family. Give them the
time they deserve, because these things cannot be put
off till "some other time."
After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take
another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said I
love you but I know this other woman loves you and
would love to spend some time with you.
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my
MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the
demands of my work and my three children had made it
possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner
and a movie.
"What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is
the type of woman who suspects that a late night call
or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
"I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you," I
responded. "Just the two of us."
She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I
would like that very much."
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up
I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I
noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our
date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had
curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had
worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary.
She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an
angel's.
"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my
son, and they were impressed, "she said, as she got
into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our
meeting". We went to a restaurant that, although not
elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my
arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down,
I had to read the menu. Half way through
the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting
there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips
"It was I who used to have to read the menu when you
were small," she said.
"Then it's time that you relax and let me return the
favor," I responded.
During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation -
nothing extraordinary, but catching up on recent
events of each other's life. We talked so much that we
missed the movie.
As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go
out with you again, but only if you let me invite
you." I agreed.
"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got
home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have
imagined," I answered.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart
attack. It happened so suddenly that I did to not get to do
anything for her.
Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy
of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and
I had dined.
An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I
wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I
paid for two plates - one for you and the other for
your wife. You will never know what that night meant
for me. I love you, son."
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying
in time: "I LOVE YOU!" and to give our loved ones the
time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more
important than your family. Give them the
time they deserve, because these things cannot be put
off till "some other time."
Friday, February 11, 2011
Mazboori
Banwarmaha Ki Kalam Se...
Gujarish hamari vo maan na sake,
Majboori hamari vo jaan na sake.
Kahte hai marne k bad bhi yaad rakhenge,
Jeete jee jo hame pahchan na sake.
Pyar hamara vo paa na sake,
Wafa k bol vo jaan na sake.
Fir kese kah diya k hum bewafa hai,
Jab wafa hamari vo pahchan na sake.
Bahon me hamari vo aa na sake,
Uski yaadon se bichhud kar hum jee na sake.
Har mahfil me tanhae hi mili hame,
Aur vo hamari tanhae pahchan na sake.
Dil esa tutta k fir hum use jod na sake,
Khushiyon ki aur vapis use mod na sake.
Unhone puchha bhul jao kya tum hame,
Aur han bolkar hum unka dil tod na sake.
Gujarish hamari vo maan na sake,
Majboori hamari vo jaan na sake.
Kahte hai marne k bad bhi yaad rakhenge,
Jeete jee jo hame pahchan na sake.
Pyar hamara vo paa na sake,
Wafa k bol vo jaan na sake.
Fir kese kah diya k hum bewafa hai,
Jab wafa hamari vo pahchan na sake.
Bahon me hamari vo aa na sake,
Uski yaadon se bichhud kar hum jee na sake.
Har mahfil me tanhae hi mili hame,
Aur vo hamari tanhae pahchan na sake.
Dil esa tutta k fir hum use jod na sake,
Khushiyon ki aur vapis use mod na sake.
Unhone puchha bhul jao kya tum hame,
Aur han bolkar hum unka dil tod na sake.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Ant And Grasshopper
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its
house And Laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a Fool And laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm
And Well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the Cold.
New Indian Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its
house And Laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a Fool And laughs dances plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while Others Are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper Next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled With Food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this Poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.
Mayawati states this as 'injustice' done on Minorities.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven & Everlasting Peace for prompt Support As against the wrath of God for non-compliance).
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions in Government Services.
The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing Left To pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by the Government And handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV, BBC, CNN.
Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.
Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.
CPM calls it the 'Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden'
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Many years later...
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar Company in Silicon Valley, 100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation
Somewhere In India,
...AND
As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country...!!
house And Laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a Fool And laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm
And Well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the Cold.
New Indian Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its
house And Laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a Fool And laughs dances plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while Others Are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper Next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled With Food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this Poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.
Mayawati states this as 'injustice' done on Minorities.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven & Everlasting Peace for prompt Support As against the wrath of God for non-compliance).
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions in Government Services.
The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing Left To pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by the Government And handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV, BBC, CNN.
Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.
Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.
CPM calls it the 'Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden'
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Many years later...
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar Company in Silicon Valley, 100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation
Somewhere In India,
...AND
As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country...!!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Psychiatrist
EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE BEING UNDER MY
BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A PSYCHIATRIST AND TOLD HIM 'I've got problems.
Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I
think I'm going crazy.'
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the psychiatrist. 'Come
talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those
fears.'
'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.
'I'll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you,' I said.
Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street.
'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he
asked.
'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot
of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all
that money that I went and bought me a new car.
'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did
a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed - there is nobody under the bed
now!
BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A PSYCHIATRIST AND TOLD HIM 'I've got problems.
Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I
think I'm going crazy.'
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the psychiatrist. 'Come
talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those
fears.'
'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.
'I'll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you,' I said.
Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street.
'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he
asked.
'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot
of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all
that money that I went and bought me a new car.
'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did
a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed - there is nobody under the bed
now!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Incredible Patient
A person came to Imam e Azam Abu Hanifa R.A and said "I want to marry with your mother". Imam e Azam said she is above 18 and has every rights to say yes or no. I will ask her if she says yes I have no objection and went in. When he came out from his home the man was killed by anonymous sword. Imam e Azam said My Patient has killed him.
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